John L Anderson: Capital A Weapon of Mass Destruction.

John Louis Anderson 1945-

John Louis Anderson is a former nuclear physicist and weapon designer who is currently doing research on what he terms the gravest threat to our national security: Capital as a Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Anderson was born and raised in Marshfield MA. He attended Phillips Academy in Andover MA where he was a member of the crew team and a promising student of the sciences.

He followed these interests to MIT where he got his doctorate for designing part of what would eventually become the standard model for American air drones. At this time he also met his future wife Jennifer White. They were married while he was still an undergrad. During his graduate career she gave birth to three sons all of whom were named John with a different middle name starting with L to differentiate them: John Louis II, John Luther and John Levon.

After MIT Anderson began a successful career at Boeing. He designed a number of popular weapons and was eventually appointed vice president of the civilian maiming division. Anderson liked to boast that he was responsible for de-limbing a population the size of Manhattan.

Following the tragic events of September the 11th Anderson became increasingly paranoid about the safety of the American Homeland. As a die hard fan of Glenn Beck he became obsessed with the threat Islamo-Marxism posed.

Taking an early retirement on the occasion of his 10 millionth de-limbing Anderson devoted himself to a methodical reading of the Marx Engels Collected Works. In his view this would let him to know the enemy.

It was after reading Marx’s 17 April 1867 letter to Johann Philipp Becker that Anderson developed the theory that would later appear in the self-published ebook: Capital: A Weapon of Mass Destruction. On the basis of the unsubstantiated argument that Marx and Engels were the founders of Al Qaeda, Anderson argued that Marx’s letter’s are encrypted messages to his followers. This lead Anderson to base his theory on a highly questionable interpretation of the following passage from Marx’s letter to Becker:

The whole work will appear in 3 volumes. The title is Capital. A Critique of Political Economy. The first volume comprises the First Book: ‘The Process of Production of Capital’. It is without question the most terrible missile that has yet been hurled at the heads of the bourgeoisie (landowners included)

In Anderson’s interpretation this letter discloses the fact that Marx encrypted the design of a weapon of mass destruction across the three volumes of Capital.  Anderson argued that if this design was deciphered it would prove calamitous for American security and kickstart the Islamo-Marxist class war.

To his dismay Anderson’s theory has failed to receive the response he hoped it would from his peers. Following a spectacle where he was ushered out of his own reception for lifetime achieving in maiming, Anderson has devoted all of his time to cracking the code and assembling this terrible missile. In his words: “someones gotta do it before the islamo-marxists do.”

Anderson is currently estranged from White, who has initiated divorce proceeds and plans to marry a Libyan American named Osama ‘John’ Mukhtar.

 

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About HR

Deep in the adjunct crackhole.
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